Decisions, Decisions.
It's just part of life; but sometimes adult-sized decisions seem to come at you from all directions, all at once.
For instance, yesterday.
Yesterday we made several family decisions, ironically all unrelated to one another.
Yesterday we made a final decision to "hold Jonah back" a year, and enrolled him in a Prep-K program at the Christian school where he will eventually attend Kindergarten (in a year).
We had previously wondered if this would be the best option for our sweet boy. He is a smart, energetic, creative little boy who could use an extra year to prepare for Kindergarten.
And I am more than okay with that. Because I know it's what is best for Jonah.
We want him to start off strong, rather than start off with struggle. And now I have an extra year with my boy. :)
Secondly, yesterday was a big day for me personally.
I have mentioned a few times on my blog, that I struggled with post-partum depression/anxiety in 2008 after giving birth to Jordan.
My struggled with anxiety and fear seems to come in waves and seasons. I was at my lowest point in 2008 and have taken a slow climb up since then.
Right now, I am doing well.
And yesterday, we (my husband and i) came to a decision along side my doctor, that now is the time to remove my three year old "crutch" (which comes in the form of a 10mg a day anti-depressant ... a blessing that was much needed at my lowest point) and "test the waters", so to speak.
I agree, it's time. Time to say no to drugs, at least for a little bit.
However I am a little nervous. Is it normal to have anxiety about the possibility of having anxiety? Maybe.
But i TRUST and KNOW God is in control. I am taking everything I have learned these past three years, and i am going to give it a shot.
I am going to give myself another chance to be me. And i won't let fear take that chance and opportunity away.
so why do i bring this up? i am sharing these two things on my blog simply because i firmly believe that being vulnerable is a blessing.
when i was deeply struggling with PPD and anxiety, i had a friend pull me aside and tell me she struggled with this too-- she had been there and survived. her vulnerability blessed me, encouraged me, and gave me hope.
my hope today is that someone might read this and simply be encouraged.
the blog world can tend to look picture perfect... but this much i know, no one's life is perfect. we all have struggle, frustrations, unexpected circumstances, and pain. we've all got stuff. and chances are, being vulnerable enough to share yesterday's heartbreaks may be someone else's glimmer of hope today.
know that you do not walk this road alone.
My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2-3
23 comments:
Your words are beautful and inspiring every time I read them. I am blessed to be by your side. On this life journey with you.
congrats Jenni on making that first step. I've been there, and it's scary but you are 100% right about being vulnerable.
May you continue to grow and be blessed on this journey. hugs!
just exposing your vunerability speaks mountains...you try and if it doesn't work out how you hoped (being med free) at least you have the option to go back...You will help more people than you know just by posting YOU....good love (that's what we say here instead of good luck)
Beautiful Jenni. I also went back and read the post you linked to. I so agree with you about the power of scrapbooking. It's so much more than paper and glue ;-)
PPD is horrible and terrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone...I went through it myself after my daughter's birth just two years ago.
At my lowest point I was contemplating suicide and had no joy for life, a smile for no one. I couldn't enjoy motherhood and my baby girl. Finally I got help and yes, I am still on antidepressants too...for now ;)
Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for sharing your story. Congrats on your decisions. Wishing you the best.
This was a beautiful post. I will be praying for you as you continue your journey! God will give you the strength you need to move forward:-)
You are my blessing...
Dad
how brave you are to share your story that is bound to touch and help someone. best wishes and many prayers in your upcoming weeks!
Very well said! I think it's great that you put yourself out there for others to learn and grow in their own experiences. Will be thinking of you!
Many good luck wishes heading your way!!!
Hey hon! You are a brave one! I went through PPD too, and wish I had been smart enough to get help. You go girl. I know you can make this transition and I know you are making the best decision for yourself and your family. As for waiting a year to start Kindergarten, I did it with all of my three boys, and I'm so glad I did that. XOXO!
Your'e awesome! Thank you for being so real! Your vulnerability is beautiful and God will use you! You are someone I would want to hang with because you have been through some stuff. Love you for it:)
Good for you for being so open--it can help so many people. God answers our prayers in unexpected ways. Be open.
You can totally do it without meds, Jenni. You are a strong, beautiful person! I'm praying for you!
Jenni, I admire your transparency and vulnerability. Just so you know, we "waited" with Josh too and gave him an extra year of preschool. Boys mature more slowly than girls, and he needed more time to become a bit more independent. We've never regretted it for a second, and I know you know that you won't either. In making that decision, the common thread I discovered was that man moms "didn't regret waiting, but did regret sending them too soon." Much love to you!
You will be so richly blessed for being so open with others who will need to know your story.. Thank you for sharing. You never know who's life you will touch in the process (many, I am sure!). We currently went through the same decision process with regards to our boy, and have decided to "hold him back" and give him that extra year to grow and mature a bit before starting Prep (in Qld). My sister did it with her two boys and doesn't regret it. I know it's the right decision for us also. Sometimes there are "what ifs" but they are brief and fade very quickly in the knowledge of the bigger picture. Blessings & hugs to you on your journey. We are right beside you! {{{hugs}}}
Thanks for being so brave and sharing Jenni, I think a lot more of us suffer from this type of difficulty then we ever realise. I am on a similar journey at the moment trying to come off meds after my latest bout of depression. I also suffer from S.A.D. so I'm trying to work out a longer term solution so I'm not constantly on and off meds. It is is scary, but it seems you have some wonderful support to help you through. I've had a similar blog post drafted for a while now, but don't feel quite ready to share yet. Thanks for your honesty, standing up and saying it's ok to be you! Big hugs coming your way, you can do it! xoxo
what a blessing to many you will be jenni, of that i am sure ;o) being a mum to a teen with clinical depression and raising 2 boys with RAD and AD i know how hard it can be, be brave, be prayful, be hopeful and know how loved you are! thinking of you friend xx
your honesty is inspiring. hugs.
Sending love, Jenni:) I can definitely understand being anxious about these changes, but I'm sure they will work out for good. Hoping you have a beautiful day today!
I had taken Prozac or Paxil since I was in my teens (I am now 34) for anxiety. About 8 months ago I quit after starting running. Now my almost daily endorphin fix seems to keep the anxiety at bay. Sometimes it creeps back in, and reaching out to God and saying extra prayers has helped a lot. I thought that I would need to take that little pill the rest of my days but Exercise and God are taking very good care of me :)
We are holding our son (who turned five two weeks ago) back another year, too and I have such mixed emotions about it. I'm trying to remember that boys, especially, don't mature as fast and it WILL be okay but sometimes it just doesn't FEEL right. So I know how hard the decision was for you. Hang in there.
Regarding PPD - I've never had it but I have struggled with depression/anxiety all my life and Wellbutrin was my BFF for a long time. I took myself off it 4.5 months ago and haven't felt better! Just keep trusting in God.. he will help you :)
Again, love your blog. It's nice to see someone else from the same city that has a scrapbooking blog :)
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